do octopuses (octopi?) come in smaller sizes? because i think it would be totally cool to have a pet octopus, but my fish tank is too small for most of the giant ones i've seen pictures of...i just want an itty bebe one...
- posted by mer @ 4:33 PM ~

 
the fact that people have vaguely similar dna does not mean that when you stick them all in a tiny room together that they will get along. i hate family. i hate the stupid tradition of 'family being together at the holidays' because it has totally and completely ruined several holidays i used to enjoy, and instead of 'hey cool, aunt jane's in town' it's 'oh shit, run and hide, frances is here' not to mention the fact that i'm officially sick, i have a fever, and i cannot breathe out of my nose. this timing SUCKS! how can ap exams be next week???? the last time i consciously thought about when they were, they were *ages* away! plenty of time to study! how did they suddenly get to be NEXT WEEK??? agh! i'm going to *die* and none of the other teachers seem to care ap's are going on, they just keep on assigning homework, so you kindof have to choose between your assigned homework and studying for the ap, and back in the day i had planned to use the weekend before ap's (i.e. NOW) to study for them, but now it's here, and my dear sweet mother planned other shit for me, and i'm sick, and i just want to curl up and sleep for a week and a half straight, but NOOO! people weren't lying when they said junior year was the most stressful.
- posted by mer @ 11:41 PM ~

 

Your True Birth Month Is February

Sharp Ambitious Spendthrift Loves reality Loves freedom Temperamental Low self esteem Honest and loyal Abstract thoughts Daring and stubborn Changing personality Showing anger easily Intelligent and clever Loves aggressiveness Quiet, shy and humble Learns to show emotions Rebellious when restricted Determined to reach goals Superstitious and ludicrous Dislikes unnecessary things Realizing dreams and hopes Too sensitive and easily hurt Loves entertainment and leisure Romantic on the inside not outside Loves making friends but rarely shows it

- posted by mer @ 11:26 PM ~

 

Meredith Augusta May's Aliases

Your movie star name: Popcorn Donald

Your fashion designer name is Meredith Vienna

Your socialite name is Emmieswaz Chicago

Your fly girl / guy name is M May

Your detective name is Kitten Salem

Your barfly name is Chips Vodka

Your soap opera name is Augusta Baron

Your rock star name is Butterfinger Airplane

Your star wars name is Mercas Maymat

Your punk rock band name is The Wasted Gopher

- posted by mer @ 11:22 PM ~

 
i'm really not liking the concept of turning on the tv to watch the sexy characters that are ryan and seth, and instead getting an HOUR LONG SPEECH BY BUSH. and after doing my chem homework through that as the background noise, they skip right to the simple life! no oc! none! and i really wanted to see seth and ryan gone wild on spring break. grrrrr. yet another reason why bush is evil. no one comes between me and my oc....
- posted by mer @ 11:11 PM ~

 
You Know You're From North Carolina When...
You've gotten used to the smell of cow manure on a car trip to Raleigh.

Saying "y'all" isn't just a cute expression; it actually means something.

There are big labrador retrievers in the back of every truck.

You give directions using KFC and Waffle House as landmarks.

You still see Dale Earndheart tributes on cars.

You can't imagine life without Bojangles' sweet tea

Your annual church fundraiser always deals with bbq and potato salad

You have a sunburn from May to October

Your 'heavy winter clothing' consists of some turtleneck sweaters, a fuzzy jacket, and your daddy's boots

Your family has fried chicken once a week

You can tell the difference between cotton fields and tobacco fields while driving

One of your neighbors has a confederate flag hanging on their front porch

Those "damn yankees" are taking over your school/church/workplace/neighborhood...

You've been "properly raised", and yankees love it when they hear you say "ma'am" and "sir"

You get your carbs from biscuits, rolls, pancakes, and grits

You know the difference between a "redneck" and a "hick".

You own at least one surf shop or seafood restaurant shirts.

No matter what those people in ohio say, we are still "first in flight"

The Coca-Cola 600 is as big as the Super Bowl

You prefer Chick-fil-a to KFC

You know pastry is a chicken stew, not a dessert item.

Every time you visit someone you’re offered something to eat and a glass of tea.

Your granddaddy always wore overalls and your grandma always wore an apron.

In summer you have home-grown tomatoes with every meal.

When it rains and the creek rises, everyone gathers to see how high it rose.

You know that "chunk" the ball means to throw it.

You've had a burger "all the way" - chili and slaw on it.

You can recognize a copperhead and your heart drops when you see one.

You have at least one relative that raises collards.

Your folks have taken trips to the mountains to look at leaves.

Your school classes were cancelled because of a hurricane.

You know Krispy Kreme makes the best doughnut.

You have an opinion about UNC. You went there and loved it, or you hate everyone who did.

You know the best BBQ is found in Lexington

You would rather eat at Bojangles's than McDonald's

You have actually uttered the phrase "It's too hot to go to the pool"

You faithfully drink Pepsi or Mt. Dew everyday of your life.

You have your own secret bbq sauce.

You or your neighbors have more hunting dogs than you have family members.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from North Carolina.
- posted by mer @ 10:30 PM ~

 
oh my....

You are

- posted by mer @ 9:57 PM ~

 
wow...this was quite amusing

You May Be a Bit Schizotypal ...

A bit odd and socially isolated. You couldn't care less of what others think. And some of your beliefs are a little weird. Like that time you thought you were Jesus.

- posted by mer @ 9:53 PM ~

 
The following are actual excerpts from real student essays:
(i bolded some of my favorite sections)

During the Renaissance America began. Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe. Later the Pilgrims crossed the Ocean, and this was known as Pilgrims Progress. When they landed at Plymouth Rock, they were greeted by the Indians, who came down the hill rolling their war hoops before them. The Indian squabs carried porpoises on their backs. Many of the Indian heroes were killed, along with their cabooses, which proved very fatal to them. The winter of 1680 was a hard one for the settlers. Many people died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all this.

One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was the English put tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists would send their parcels through the post without stamps. During the War, the Red Coats and Paul Revere was throwing balls over stone walls. The dogs were barking and the peacocks crowing. Finally, the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay for taxis.

Delegates from the original thirteen states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin had gone to Boston carrying all his clothes in his pocket and a loaf of bread under each arm. He invented electricity by rubbing cats backwards and declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot stand." Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

George Washington married Martha Curtis and in due time became the Father of Our Country. Then the Constitution the United States was adopted to secure domestic hostility. Under the Constitution the people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. When Lincoln was President, he wore only a tall silk hat. He said, "In onion there is strength." Abraham Lincoln wrote the Gettysburg Address while traveling from Washington to Gettysburg on the back of an envelope. Fourteenth Amendment gave ex-Negroes citizenship. But the Clue Clux Clan would torcher and lynch the ex-Negroes and other innocent victims. It claimed it represented law and odor. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. The believed assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.

Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time. Voltare invented electricity and also wrote a book called Candy. Gravity was invented by Isaac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the Autumn, when the apples are falling off the trees.

Bach was the most famous composer in the world, and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was very large. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.

France was in a very serious state. The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened. The Marseillaise was the theme song of the French Revolution, and it catapulted into Napoleon. During the Napolenonic Wars, the crowned heads of Europe were tremoling in their shoes. Then the Spanish gorillas came down from the hills and nipped at Napoleon's flanks. Napoleon became ill with bladder problems and was very tense and unrestrained. He wanted an heir to inherit his power, but since Josephine was a baroness, she couldn't bear children.

The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. Her reclining years and finally the end of her life were exemplatory of a great personality. Her death was the final event which ended her reign.
The nineteenth century was a time of many great inventions and thoughts. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men. Samuel Morse invented a code of telepathy. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered radium. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers.

The First World War, caused by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by a surf, ushered in a new error in the anals of human history.

The inhabitants of ancient Egypt were called mummies. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere, so certain areas of the dessert are cultivated by irritation. The Egyptians built the Pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular cube. The Pyramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain.

The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinesses, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, once asked, "Am I my brother's son?" God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac on Mount Montezuma. Jacob, son of Isaac, stole his brother's birth mark. Jacob was a patriarch who brought up his twelve sons to be patriarchs, but they did not take to it. One of Jacob's sons, Joseph, gave refuse to the Israelites.

Pharaoh forced the Hebrew slaves to make bread without straw. Moses led them to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Commandments. David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Philatelists, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 500 wives and 500 porcupines.

Without the Greeks we wouldn't have history. The Greeks invented three kinds of columns - Corinthian, Doric, and Ironic. They also had myths. A myth is a female moth. One myth says that the mother of Achilles dipped him in the River Stynx until he became intollerable. Achilles appears in The Iliad, by Homer. Homer also wrote The Oddity, in which Penelope was the last hardship that Ulysses endured on his journey. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.

Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.


In the Olympic Games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the java. The reward to the victor was a coral wreath. The government of Athens was democratic because people took the law into their own hands. There were no wars in Greece, as the mountains were so high that they couldn't climb over to see what their neighbors were doing. When they fought with the Persians, the Greeks were outnumbered because the Persians had more men.

Eventually, the Ramons conquered the Geeks. History calls people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long. At Roman banquets, the guests wore garlics in their hair. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his poor subjects by playing the fiddle to them.

Then came the Middle Ages. King Alfred conquered the Dames. King Arthur lived in the Age of Shivery. King Harold mustarded his troops before the Battle of Hastings. Joan of Arc was cannonized by Bernard Shaw, and victims of the Black Death grew boobs on their necks. Finally the Magna Carta provided that no free man should be hanged twice for the same offense.

In midevil times most of the people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the time was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses and also wrote literature. Another tale tells of William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son's head.

The Renaissance was an age in which more individuals felt the value of their human being. Martin Luther was nailed to the church door at Wittenberg for selling papal indulgences. He died a horrible death, being excommunicated by a bull. It was the painter Donatello's interest in the female nude that made him the father of the Renaissance. It was an age of great invention and discoveries. Gutenberg invented the Bible. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes. Another important invention was the circulation of blood.

Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper.

The government of England was a limited mockery. Henry VIII found walking difficult because he had an abbess on his knee. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success. When Elizabeth exposed herself before her troops, they all shouted, "hurrah." Then her navy went out and defeated the Spanish Armadillo.

The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespear. Shakespear never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He lived at Windsor with his merry wives, writing tragedies, comedies, and errors.

In one of Shakespear's famous plays, Hamlet rations out his situation by relieving himself in a long soliloquy. In another, Lady Macbeth tries to convince Macbeth to kill the King by attacking his manhood. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Writing at the same time as Shakespear was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.
ah...these make me feel so much better about the us AP exam...there are people this dumb taking the exam too. i love how someone heard "taxes on tea" and came out with "tacks in their tea." almost as funny as joana vark. these were fabulous to laugh at. i feel smart now.
- posted by mer @ 11:15 PM ~

 
just replace 'work' with 'school' and 'job' with 'life' and this is totally me:

- posted by mer @ 10:57 PM ~

 

You Are 60% Normal (Really Normal)

Otherwise known as the normal amount of normal You're like most people most of the time But you've got those quirks that make you endearing You're unique, yes... but not frighteningly so!

- posted by mer @ 10:00 AM ~

 

- posted by mer @ 10:47 PM ~

 
wow...i have never read anything so inherently brilliant as jonathan swift's 'a modest proposal.' i'm still in awe.
- posted by mer @ 10:22 PM ~

 
ew! this was on ebay:


this would be really cool...




the new way to get a hands-free cell phone!


hehe, it's called a mcbaby


grrahh!


people are weird...









- posted by mer @ 12:27 AM ~

 
*sigh* i love bill maher. so fabulous. tonight he was talking about how the new pope has an email address, and said 'that's very foward for him! in the past, the catholic church has been slow to incorporate technology into their daily life. until just recently, their idea of a laptop was an alter boy' and i wholeheartedly agree with him on the 'flavored water' idea. it's about time someone did something about that watery taste. before, if you wanted flavored water, you had to turn to soda!
- posted by mer @ 12:12 AM ~

 
what the hell was i thinking??? boot camp is going to KILL ME!
- posted by mer @ 6:31 PM ~

 
The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take
any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing
one letter, and supply a new definition.
Here are this year's winners:
1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you
realize it was your money to start with.
2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright
ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign
of breaking down in the near future.
4. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting
laid.
5. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject
financially impotent for an indefinite period.
6. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
7. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who
doesn't get it.
8. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
9. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really
bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a
serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming
only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they
come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've
accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your
bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the
fruit you're eating.
And the pick of the literature:
18. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
- posted by mer @ 10:38 PM ~

 
zeldafest was SO much fun!! not really because of the concerts. all but the last band kinda sucked. although it was fun when martha's trouble played the theme song to the flintstones.
HANNAH CLONINGER CAME!!!!!! it was just like the good ol' days when we'd all hang out with paul in a circle and rotate... good times man, good times. and we spent most of the time in the grass just talking or playing 10 fingers or making fun of the sucky bands playing at the time (like the one where the singer occasionally made sounds like a dog barking, then sang about 'little brown duck') so yay for zeldafest. and paul. because he's awesome, and it would've kinda sucked w/out him there. and yay for the fact that i did, in fact, regain feeling in my toes. ah yes, and one more yay:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHARLOTTE!!!
- posted by mer @ 3:40 PM ~

 
oh pooey. very very not good. i'm still sick, although now i've added "fever" to the list of symptoms. gr. and now my mom's probably not going to let me go to zeldafest, even though i *really* want to go, and i still feel shitty and really tired even though i didn't do much of anything today. and netflix doesn't have the bumblebee flies anyway OR north. they have it in for underrated elijah wood movies. quite sad. i shall now go sleep it off. if that's possible...
- posted by mer @ 10:50 PM ~

 
COOL! i was browsing through itunes bilboard top 100 from various years, and everclear's wonderful was number 54 for 2000! yay~!
- posted by mer @ 10:57 PM ~

 
it's april 12th everyone! you know what that means? of *course* you do!

HAPPY ART'S BIRTHDAY EVERYONE!!!!

- posted by mer @ 9:46 AM ~

 
today has been rather shitty, if i do say so myself. which i do, because if i didn't say so myself, there would be no point in typing this. i have a sneaking suspicion i did horribly on all four of the tests on friday (only one of which i've gotten back: C+, not very encouraging) and then i got home...and my mom yelled at made a neutral yet still somewhat derrogatory comment on how i did better on the verbal sections of the SAT than the math one. there were very loud implications that i really am shit at math. great fun. then about two hours ago i found out that maggie's sister died. now i miss jenny, and it's scary, because she's the same age as maggie, and she wasn't sick or anything....and now i feel really sad for matthew and emma. i wish the school year would just be over......
- posted by mer @ 11:39 PM ~

 
and now for two totally unrelated thoughts:
1) i'm not sure exactly why, but for some reason i really find the words capital and capitle very offensive. they're just used for such a broad range of meanings, and often mis-used in my opinion, or used in such a way to give a connotation that i really dislike. i imagine this dislike stemmed from second or third grade when i tried to remember which way to spell which version, but now it's really just the ways they are used...they bother me a lot more than certain things that are 'offensive by definition,' and no one ever really understands that.

2) it's very strange. i've never fell so totally in love with one version of a song, and ONLY that version. it's the live version of a song i'm not especially fond of on the cd version or the radio version, but the live one...it just clicks. and it screams 'ME!' even though i don't even like that band. it's like that song is everything i see myself as. in a song. live. with the crowd singing along to the chorus. i really like it. and i'm not gonna say what band/song it is b/c none of you would get it and then you'd think i'm weird, and i'm not sure why i'm even posting this, but it truly is a wonderful song.
- posted by mer @ 10:58 PM ~

 
so prom was actually really fun. except for that part where the tables caught on fire and the entire area smelled really nasty. like burning plastic. and i got bitch-slapped, which was actually kinda fun b/c it was kently and she was kidding. that's what you get for having a curfew later than a senior. i cant wait for next year's prom, when we don't have to *do* anything but show up. and when kelsey has no authority over anyone or anything. as it should be in the world.
- posted by mer @ 10:39 PM ~

 
ouch. severe disappointment. i like breaking benjamin, and it was cool to hear they were gonna be the guest band on the tonight show...but not only do they kinda suck live, but the lead singer looks like a wussy momma's boy with a bad haircut and too much hair gel. not cool. the rest of the band is pretty cool, but the main dude is just...idk. his appearance doesn't match his voice. at all. very awesome voice. very ugly face/hair. very sad. you'd think the band behind a platinum cd could at least look the part. oh well. i've always got everclear.
- posted by mer @ 12:34 AM ~

 
"it is disrespectful to cut someone's head off when they're already dead."
-my english notes from 5 april 2005
- posted by mer @ 10:59 PM ~

 
for future reference, it's time to stop staring at calculus notes when you look at your empty glass with ice cubes and a straw still in it and think 'wow! that looks like an igloo next to a telephone pole!'
- posted by mer @ 10:58 PM ~

 

- posted by mer @ 9:02 PM ~

 
Ah, Are You Digging on My Grave?
"Ah, are you digging on my grave,
My loved one? -- planting rue?"
-- "No: yesterday he went to wed
One of the brightest wealth has bred.
'It cannot hurt her now,' he said,
'That I should not be true.'"

"Then who is digging on my grave,
My nearest dearest kin?"
-- "Ah, no: they sit and think, 'What use!
What good will planting flowers produce?
No tendance of her mound can loose
Her spirit from Death's gin.'"

"But someone digs upon my grave?
My enemy? -- prodding sly?"
-- "Nay: when she heard you had passed the Gate
That shuts on all flesh soon or late,
She thought you no more worth her hate,
And cares not where you lie.

"Then, who is digging on my grave?
Say -- since I have not guessed!"
-- "O it is I, my mistress dear,
Your little dog, who still lives near,
And much I hope my movements here
Have not disturbed your rest?"

"Ah yes! You dig upon my grave...
Why flashed it not to me
That one true heart was left behind!
What feeling do we ever find
To equal among human kind
A dog's fidelity!"

"Mistress, I dug upon your grave
To bury a bone, in case
I should be hungry near this spot
When passing on my daily trot.
I am sorry, but I quite forgot
It was your resting place."
-Thomas Hardy
- posted by mer @ 8:52 PM ~

 
yay! right after i dropped fruzsina off after school, i turned to 106.5, and they had JUST started playing santa monica, by everclear. it made me so happy. i turned the volume WAAAAY up and listened to it with the windows down. it made my day special. even though later i got home and homeworked SUCKED, and i'm still not done, and i'm not gonna do it, but that's ok because they played the best band in the world on the radio on my way home. woot. oh, and jrm is a hot and sexy beast. and we have the same birthday. that always serves to cheer me up.
- posted by mer @ 11:22 PM ~

 

GRYFFINDOR! You scored 24% Slytherin, 24% Ravenclaw, 56% Gryffindor, and 20% Hufflepuff!

You might belong in Gryffindor, Where dwell the brave at heart, Their daring, nerve, and chivalry Set Gryffindors apart. Gryffindors are known for their courage, audacity, and devotion to what is good and honest.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 54% on Slytherin You scored higher than 33% on Ravenclaw You scored higher than 72% on Gryffindor You scored higher than 20% on Hufflepuff

Link: The Sorting Hat Test written by leeannslytherin on Ok Cupid

- posted by mer @ 9:56 AM ~

 
blogger is being especially grumpy lately. this does not please me.
- posted by mer @ 8:07 PM ~

 
I GOT AN A- ON MY TERM PAPER!!!!!!!!! I'M NOT GOING TO FAIL ENGLISH!!!! YAY!!!!

- posted by mer @ 2:20 PM ~