we have our apartment for next year!!
- posted by mer @ 8:45 PM ~

 
i went caving this morning. i got home at 3:30am and woke up at 9am to hurl myself into a cramped, muddy, damp, dangerous hole in the ground with nothing more than a helmet with a 1920s style headlamp that occasionally dripped carbide water down into my face. i got somewhat stuck twice due to the fact that i have hips, and we were crawling through a hole that i swear to god is less than 18inches in diameter. there was also the fifteen foot "s-curve" tunnel where i couldnt even stand up on my elbows. all of this because molly somehow convinced me that i should go along with her as she went caving. because it's "really fun" and "i think you'll enjoy it." somehow spending two hours in slime and grunge and bugs in a dank, smelly pit of rocks, stalagmites, and stalagtites isn't quite my idea of a fun saturday morning. the little sleeping bats were adorable though. i want one. i dont think i've ever been quite as relieved as i was when i finally crawled out of that hole and sat down in the sunlight.
- posted by mer @ 8:31 PM ~

 
*glass shattering and vague grumblings*
dan: did you hear that?
me: sortof...what did that guy say?
dan: glass shattered and that guy just yelled 'fuck, that's my car!'

of course all six of us ran out onto the balcony to look down at the suburban that hit the corner of the jeep as the drunk-ish guy was trying to park
- posted by mer @ 6:04 PM ~

 


Austin Michelle Cloyd
April 24, 1988 - April 16, 2007
- posted by mer @ 10:28 PM ~

 
i'm home for the rest of the week
- posted by mer @ 5:13 PM ~

 
it's been three months, ten days, and two hours. it's four in the morning and i am not asleep and it doesn't look like that's going to change any time soon. i have class in five hours. i did not go to this particular lecture at all in the past two weeks, but once again i have my alarm clock set for an appropriate time so that i can at least pretend like i might actually go.

tonight i did the last three assignments for calculus that i just never got around to doing. i have an 89.2 in that class and i should be busting my ass trying to get that extra half of a point so that i could get the A but i just cannot bring myself to care about it anymore.

i've only really felt completely out of control once in my life. i was curled up in a little ball in the shower and i couldn't breathe and i couldn't stop shaking because i was crying so hard i felt like i was going to throw up and i couldn't stop crying. i couldnt get away from the feeling that nothing in the world was ever going to be right again.

i have come so very close to that point again. i tried to take a shower to calm myself down but it just wasn't going to stop. the only thing that let me keep control of myself was the thought of someone walking in and finding me naked and crying on the floor of the showers. i dont think the sheer disgustingness of that possibility even came into mind. forget shower shoes, just curl up with the filth that goes along with a dorm shower.

this time i don't have remington here to curl up with. this time there is no large, furry, hug-able creature to sit there and lick the tears off of my face as my life falls apart. i don't have anyone loving and patient enough to stay up with me until five in the morning when i can finally hold it together enough to get some sleep. i need remington. i need something. i don't know what, but most of all i need me space. i'm so tired of not having anywhere at all in the state of virginia where i can get away from people. it's gotten to the point where i want to smack rebecca just for walking in the room, but i can't because she has just as much right to be here as i do, because of the stupid DORM SYSTEM. i would much rather have a room half this size to myself than have this size room that i can't even consider my own.

let the week from hell begin
- posted by mer @ 3:53 AM ~

 
do you ever take a look at your life and wonder what the hell happened?


they're both dead now


i dont think i'm ok
- posted by mer @ 5:11 PM ~

 


no good
- posted by mer @ 12:38 PM ~

 
every time i take one of these tests, it comes back INTP, but this one is so accurate it freaks me out a little bit...

Profile: INTP

INTPs are pensive, analytical folks. They may venture so deeply into thought as to seem detached, and often actually are oblivious to the world around them.

Precise about their descriptions, INTPs will often correct others (or be sorely tempted to) if the shade of meaning is a bit off. While annoying to the less concise, this fine discrimination ability gives INTPs so inclined a natural advantage as, for example, grammarians and linguists.

INTPs are relatively easy-going and amenable to most anything until their principles are violated, about which they may become outspoken and inflexible. They prefer to return, however, to a reserved albeit benign ambiance, not wishing to make spectacles of themselves.

A major concern for INTPs is the haunting sense of impending failure. They spend considerable time second-guessing themselves. The open-endedness (from Perceiving) conjoined with the need for competence (NT) is expressed in a sense that one's conclusion may well be met by an equally plausible alternative solution, and that, after all, one may very well have overlooked some critical bit of data. An INTP arguing a point may very well be trying to convince himself as much as his opposition. In this way INTPs are markedly different from INTJs, who are much more confident in their competence and willing to act on their convictions.

Mathematics is a system where many INTPs love to play, similarly languages, computer systems--potentially any complex system. INTPs thrive on systems. Understanding, exploring, mastering, and manipulating systems can overtake the INTP's conscious thought. This fascination for logical wholes and their inner workings is often expressed in a detachment from the environment, a concentration where time is forgotten and extraneous stimuli are held at bay. Accomplishing a task or goal with this knowledge is secondary.

INTPs and Logic -- One of the tipoffs that a person is an INTP is her obsession with logical correctness. Errors are not often due to poor logic -- apparent faux pas in reasoning are usually a result of overlooking details or of incorrect context.

A Functional Analysis -- by Joe Butt
Introverted Thinking

Introverted Thinking strives to extract the essence of the Idea from various externals that express it. In the extreme, this conceptual essence wants no form or substance to verify its reality. Knowing the Truth is enough for INTPs; the knowledge that this truth can (or could) be demonstrated is sufficient to satisfy the knower. "Cogito, ergo sum" expresses this prime directive quite succinctly.

famous INTPs:

Socrates
Rene Descartes <--he's one of my favorites!
Blaise Pascal
Sir Isaac Newton
Tiger Woods
U.S. Presidents:
James Madison
John Quincy Adams
John Tyler
Dwight D. Eisenhower
Gerald Ford
- posted by mer @ 1:38 AM ~

 
so my computer is broken. i took it back to the bookstore people to figure out what's wrong with it and (hopefully...) fix it. chris' computer was doing the same thing mine was, and his was a defective motherboard. i have no clue what that actually means or how one would go about fixing that, but i just kinda need my computer back. engineering homework doesn't go away just because my computer did...so i'm stuck with internet access only when rebecca isn't using her computer and when it hasn't password-protected itself.

molly and i went to ohio this weekend. cincinnati was way fun, the drive back was way eventful. let's not do that again... so overall, it's been a memorable weekend. to summarize:

ohio: yes
computer: no
boys: yes
alcohol: yes
fishtailing on an 8 lane highway: yes
car damage: no
injuries: no
homework: no
studying: no


cell if you need me, i won't be able to check my email or sign onto aim very often until i get my computer back.
- posted by mer @ 11:04 PM ~